For family
You love them — and you are exhausted. That is okay.
Living beside a person with addiction is chronic stress, anxiety, hope and disappointment all over again. You deserve support no less than they do.
What you are probably feeling right now
You can love someone and be angry at them at the same time. Fear for them and fear them. Want to help — and not know how. Feel guilty for behavior you did not choose. All of this makes sense. You are not alone.
What helps
Set boundaries without ultimatums
"I will not give you money for alcohol" is not cruelty — it is care for you both.
Do not take responsibility for their choice
You cannot cure them by willpower. Only they can make the decision themselves.
Do not cover the consequences
When you hide, pay and make excuses, the addiction lasts longer.
Talk about feelings, not behavior
"I get scared when you do not answer" works better than "you were drinking again".
Take care of yourself
You cannot help another person if you are destroyed yourself.
What is better not to do — even out of love
Most of the things that destroy recovery are done with the kindest intentions. This is important to understand — not to blame yourself, but to act more wisely.
Paying their debts and covering the consequences
When you pay off debts, explain to their boss why they did not show up, or take on their responsibility — the addiction loses its cost. Consequences are part of the healing.
Making ultimatums and not following through
"One more time and I leave" only works if you are ready to leave. Empty threats teach the person that your words are worth nothing.
Searching and hiding
Pouring out the bottle, searching pockets, checking the phone — this is not control, it is the illusion of control. And it costs you enormous energy.
Rescuing them from any discomfort
Addiction often holds on because life without the substance feels unbearable. When you make it too comfortable, the motivation to change fades.
Staying silent and enduring alone
Shame about a loved one with addiction keeps you silent. But isolation destroys you — and does not help them. Talking about what is happening is allowed and necessary.
If you recognized yourself in these points — it is not a reason for guilt. It is a reason to talk with us. Mentors for relatives know this situation from the inside.
What codependency is
Many relatives of people with addiction need help themselves — but for a different reason. Codependency is when your whole life, mood and sense of meaning revolve around another person. We can talk about that too.
You need support too
You can ask a question or book a separate call with a mentor — one just for relatives.